One of the cornerstones of coaching is being non-judgemental. It’s what creates the safety clients need to open up, explore, and grow.
But let’s take a moment to be honest with ourselves: as humans, we are wired to make judgements. It’s a survival mechanism. Without it, our ancestors wouldn’t have lasted long enough to pass down their genes. Judgements help us make decisions, assess risks, and make sense of the world around us.
So, how do we reconcile this natural human tendency with our commitment as coaches to creating a non-judgemental space?
The answer lies not in pretending we’re immune to judgement but in bringing greater self-awareness to the way we show up in our work. It’s not about trying to erase our humanity—it’s about understanding it. When we don’t take the time to do this, our needs, beliefs, and biases can unconsciously influence our coaching relationships, sometimes in ways that are unhelpful or even harmful.
What Shapes the Way You Show Up?
Every coach brings their unique humanity to their work, and this is a strength. But it also comes with responsibility. The experiences we’ve had, the beliefs we hold, and the needs we carry all influence how we see the world—and, by extension, how we see our clients.
Dr Brené Brown, a renowned researcher on courage and vulnerability, notes:
“We’re all making up stories in our heads based on our fears, self-protection, and past experiences.”
These stories shape our judgements—often in subtle, unconscious ways.
Perhaps you value independence and find yourself subtly encouraging your clients to be more self-reliant, even when what they truly need is connection. Maybe you believe in the power of positivity and, without realising it, you steer conversations away from your clients’ discomfort, even though that discomfort might hold the key to their growth.
There’s no shame in these tendencies—they’re human. But as coaches, it’s our job to notice them and explore them. The more self-aware we become, the less likely our unconscious biases will drive our interactions.
The Role of Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is a lifelong practice. Research by Tasha Eurich, organisational psychologist and author of Insight, shows that:
“95% of people think they’re self-aware, but only about 10–15% actually are.”
This gap highlights how easy it is to operate on autopilot, blind to the beliefs and needs shaping our actions.
One way to cultivate this awareness is through supervision or peer reflection. Talking through your experiences with a trusted colleague or supervisor can help you uncover blind spots and bring hidden influences to light. Journaling can also be a powerful tool—try reflecting on a recent session and asking yourself, What was driving me in that moment?
Moving Towards True Non-Judgement
True non-judgement isn’t about shutting off your humanity. It’s about holding space for your own reactions without letting them run the show. When you notice a judgement arising—whether it’s about a client, their choices, or even yourself—pause and acknowledge it. Then make a note of it as soon as the session ends. Not to solve it right away, but to keep it as something worthy of your attention - at the right time.
Psychologist Carl Rogers, whose work underpins much of modern coaching, famously said: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” The same applies to our work as coaches. When we embrace our humanity and hold our own judgements with compassion, we’re better able to offer clients the non-judgemental presence they need.
As you do this work, you’ll create a deeper, more authentic presence for your clients. They won’t just feel safe with you; they’ll feel seen, accepted, and free to explore their own humanity without fear of judgement.
Remember, “Who we are is how we coach.” By staying curious about what shapes the way you show up, you can offer your clients the gift of being truly heard—and that is where the magic of coaching begins.
If you'd like some support to unpack a non-judgemental approach for yourself, you know where I am.
About the Author
Melissa is a Leadership Coach and Certified Dare to Lead™ Facilitator based in Dorset, with a particular interest in supporting leaders and coaches to be more courageous in their work and lives.
Find out more about The Courageous Coach, Dare to Lead for Leaders or One to One and team coaching.
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